


Fear the poultry

by killerweasel



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:11:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even vampires fear something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear the poultry

This is for [](http://100moods.livejournal.com/profile)[**100moods**](http://100moods.livejournal.com/)

Title: Fear the poultry  
Fandom: Angel  
Characters: Lindsey McDonald, Angel  
Prompt: 066. Naughty  
Word Count: 821  
Rating: R  
Warnings/Spoilers: AU before _To Shanshu in LA_  
Summary: Even vampires fear something.

**Fear the poultry**

 

The door flew open, slamming into the wall hard enough to rattle the pictures. I didn’t even bother to stick my head out into the hallway because I knew who it was. Snorting, I jammed my hand back inside of the turkey to grab the next wad of guts. “I invite you in, Angel.”

I could hear him stalking his way through the apartment. At least he wasn’t smashing things as he walked. By the time he reached where I was standing, I could almost feel how angry he was. It didn’t matter if I’d actually done anything or not, Angel would create a reason to kick my ass if he had to. “Lindsey, I don’t know what you’re up to...”

“I’m a little busy right now.” I shoved the giant bird a little to the left to the water could run inside of the gaping hole. “I’ve been working on getting dinner ready for the past hour. Go look in the fridge if you don’t believe me. My Mama always told me to do the bird last.”

Angel froze when I pulled out a massive handful of what could be just about anything. It made the corners of my lips turn up. Then I took a step towards him, holding the bloody mess in my palm. “Want to give me a hand?”

He leaned back without moving his feet. “If you had dropped that damn scroll, you wouldn’t need one.”

“Oh hardy har har. Aren’t you amusing?” If I had a nickel for every damn hand joke I’d heard since losing it, I could retire from the firm as a very wealthy man. The next batch of turkey innards hit the sink with a wet splat and I thought some of the color drained from Angel’s face. “If this is too gross, you’re welcome to leave any time.”

“I don’t like turkeys.” If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was slowly inching away from me.

My eyebrows went up. Here I am, up to my elbow in dead bird, and the big, bad vampire is afraid of it. “Angel, this is a _dead_ turkey. It’s been dead for days. Hell, it was frozen, so maybe it’s been dead for months. Unless this is some kind of zombie bird from hell, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Are you even looking at the crap you’re pulling out of that thing? It looks like road kill.” He shuddered.

An evil idea popped into my head and I smiled. “Catch.” Whirling around, I threw the handful of guts at his chest. It hit his body with a splut. Angel stared at it for a moment and then his eyes rolled up in his head. I watched him slowly tip over. “Whoops.”

When his eyes opened again, the turkey was in the oven and out of sight. “What the hell happened?”

I paused what I was doing, leaving my fork in one of the yams I’d been stabbing. “You fainted.”

“Vampires don’t faint.” He grabbed the edge of the counter, pulling himself up.

“Okay, you fell over and went boom for no reason at all.” Rolling my eyes, I went back to my yams. “Can you grab the bowl from the fridge for me?”

He yanked the door open and then made a tiny sound in his throat. “That’s a turkey neck, isn’t it?”

“Pretend it’s my neck, you like grabbing that.” I tossed the yams in the oven, putting them next to the turkey. Angel hadn’t moved at all by the time I turned around again, so I walked over to where he was. “Just grab the damn bowl and stop being a wimp.”

“No.” He’d gone as stiff as a statue.

Reaching out, I closed my hand around his wrist and dragged it towards the bowl. He started to pull backwards, but I didn’t let go. “It’s a neck. It can’t even bite you.”

He was starting to sway on his feet, which made me wonder if he’d end up with his face in the bowl. “Let go of me, Lindsey.”

I tugged on his hand one final time until his fingers touched the water. “Pick it up. Not the bowl, the neck. I’ll let go if you do.”

Angel’s other hand came up, curling around my throat. “Lindsey...”

My name was almost a snarl and it sent a shiver down my spine. Instead of letting go, I plunged his hand into the bowl. “Close your fingers on it.”

Even though he did what I asked, I could feel his body trembling. Angel pulled the neck out of the bowl and threw it at my feet before shoving me backwards. “Happy now?”

I ended up flat on my back, but there was a smile on my face. “Yeah, I am.”

He grabbed my hand, helping me to my feet. “You’re a real asshole, you know that?”

“I try.”


End file.
